Simply About Wellness

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever – Gandhi

This post is inspired by the Bollywood movie titled “Dasvidaniya – the Best Ever Goodbye ”.

A middle aged, introvert man leads a restricted lifestyle dictacted by his circumstances and others around him. He makes a “things to do” list every morning to cope with the demands of everyday life until he is diagnosed with terminal cancer with roughly three more months to live. His conscience compels him to start living a life without any regret and he starts making a list of “Things to Do before I die”. He then embarks on this journey of a lifetime until he finally dies. Apparently the storyline is very similar to the movie “The Bucket List” starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. These two movies struck a cord with many because of the stark reality facing each one of us i.e. our mortality. Both inspire us to consider taking some action before it’s too late…

What difference will it (having a list) make?

Death is inevitable and we do accept that our life journey will come to an end, eventually. Near death experiences and loss of loved ones, news of deaths from illnesses, natural calamities or to tragic accidents – all remind us of our impermanence. At least momentarily during those times, we turn our attention to what truly matters to us. Do read this thought provoking article about death – http://www.lionslinger.com/2009/11/01/the-counsel-of-death/

The question is – how prepared can one be? If we set and achieve our most cherished goals from our “To do list”, will we be better prepared to leave when called upon? I don’t have the answer to this, but could we minimise the agony and suffering?

Challenges of conventional goal setting

Setting powerful intentions and value driven goals are great and work really well for most people. But what if we fail to clearly identify what matters to us most? What if we are so driven by our “To do” and “To have” goals that we ignore or minimise the need to pursue our less urgent but more important “To be” goals i.e. to be social roles e.g. great mom, dad or partner or a person that unconditionally contributes to the greater good?

We may claim that our goals and projects are in harmony with our desires and values, but in reality they may not wholly represent our “Do, Be and Have”…

The Bollywood movie was not a boxoffice runaway hit. Nevertheless I took away some rich learnings from the movie and have come up with a process to create a meaningful “Do, be and have” list before I die.

Steps to Creating the most meaningful list ever

This process will work best if you allow yourself as much time as you may need and a quite place, away from distractions. Write down whatever comes up for you in a notebook or in your journal, preferably the latter. If you prefer not to write, I invite you to at least visualise the situations as we go about each step one by one. Indulging your senses, experience them as if happening right now and fully associate with what comes up for you. If you are in a hurry, commit to doing this exercise later on in the day, when you are relaxed and open to new learnings…

Step 1 – If you knew you would definitely live for 5-10 more years, what is it that you would like to do, be and have?

Let your imagination open up to the possibilities and immerse yourself in the experience.

Step 2 – You now know that you would live only for 1-2 more years. What is it that you would like to do, be and have?

Pause…

Now write down your list.

Step 3 – Lets say you have just been diagnosed with some form of terminal illness and you have a life span of only 3-6 more months, what would your “do, be and have” list now look like?

Pause……

Would it look almost the same as the previous ones or would it be a completely different list? If its not the same, why not? If it is still the same, why so?

Now write down your list.

Step 4 – You are lying in your death bed. What do you see when you look back on your life?

Pause………

What would you have liked to see?

What do you regret?

Pause………………

Consider this – You have been granted 24 hour’s time to complete your incompletes, what from your “Do, be and have” list would you give top priority and why?

Would you want to creat a whole new list of desperate “I have to” or, would it be more “I want to” lists?

Would you at that point focus on acquiring more material wealth or on connecting with people your loved ones?

Sharing personal experience…

Having indulged in the process myself, I found the whole experience rich and profound with major shift in perception and focus at each step. Toward the latter part of the exercise I found myself asking again and again “What else do I want to do, be and have in order to have no regrets when I die?” I found myself refining my “Do, be and have” list and came up with the list below -

DO -

· Something worthwhile for others

· Work on improving myself to be the best ever me

· Give useful and timely feedback from the heart

· Live life fully, with gratitude and learn from every situation

· Share what I have learnt

· Take time to sort financial matters

· Adopt a healthy lifestyle

· Connect at a deeper level with people

· Take time off work to relax and rejuvenate my soul, no matter how passionate I am about my work

· Touch and inspire others

· Love and spread love

· Celebrate life

BE -

· Loving, kind, passionate, happy, bubbly person, forgiving

· Present and open to new learning as much as I can

· Best mom, partner I can ever be.

HAVE -

· Rich relationships and networks of friends, family and communities

· Have a deep and loving relationship with myself

Life beyond list…

As someone once said – If you have a big enough “WHY”, the “how” will appear.

Going through this kind of exercises will help you find your own “big why”. Keep them in sight and imagine accomplishing the items in your list.

After compiling your own DBH (Do, Be & Have) list, you can choose the ones that resonates with you most, set intentions and specific goals around them.

It is important to bear in mind that there will be items in your list which can’t be ticked off as an “achieved” one off goal e.g. having rich relationships. These are processes that help you lead a fulfilling life.

A useful alternative is to re-examine your current goals and see how you could achieve some of the items from the DBH lists, while working on your current goals.

How do you keep yourself from getting distracted by trivial things and focus on what’s truly important for you?

I and others would be interested to hear about your experience.  what method do you use to keep yourself on track.

Parting line – “Life is happening right now, at this very moment. What are you waiting for?”

(photo courtesy: momo)

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