Can you afford not to…?
When my energetic four-year-old daughter proclaims in her rather loud, playful voice, “Mummy I love you!”, my automatic reply often is “honey I love you too”. She is not one to be fooled easily though. She can make out when I am authentic and when I have my “auto-pilot” response switched on.
For her it is a new game to test mummy out – “Mummy, you did not even look into my eyes when you said you loved me” she would declare triumphantly. She would then go the extra mile coaching me to give the “proper” response she was after until I got it right.
Children can teach us invaluable lessons and remind us of the little gestures that matter – that doesn’t necessarily take up a lot of our time or effort. While you are reading this you may be thinking…
“When was the last time I said I love you to the people I care about?”
“Was I on autopilot or was I authentic?”
“Did the person feel the love I wanted to express?”
A hurried goodbye peck on your partner’s cheek, mumbling a ‘morning’ to the office receptionist as we zoom past to our desk with a hundred and one different things to do, in our head. We all lead busy lives, some of us busier than others. Our seemingly endless tasks keep our minds constantly on the move.
We forget to pause and reciprocate loving gestures, let alone express our love and gratitude on a regular basis. We often get emotionally overaroused by the perceived demands on us such that we react, get bogged down with minor things, live in the future and forget to connect…with love.
If I ask you whether you value your family or loved ones, most of you would affirm that you do and that it was among your top five values. However when we fail to connect mindfully and with love, the message we could be sending out is -
Other things matter more…
Why give this message when in fact the people in your life are as important or in fact more important? Another equally relevant question is whether you have got time to just be. Remember, life is happening right now, at this very moment.
There is a huge bank of evidence about the correlation of mental exhaustion and associated life stressors to physical and mental breakdown. When one treats life as an emergency and does one thing after another, with very little time for love and connection, life one day could actually become an emergency. By the time we have this realisation it might just be too late.
So take action to ‘slow down’ and connect. Here are 5 simple strategies you could implement today -
1. Decide and commit
Make a conscious decision to slow down and stick to your decision. You deserve it as do the people around you. Share your intent with another person and post reminders around the house to help you focus on the outcome you desire.
2. Slow down
There are a number of ways to do so. People do so by practicing silence, mindfulness or through meditation. Some take time to connect with nature while others practice deep breathing and remind themselves to pause and listen…
Make time to connect on a daily basis no matter how busy your schedule. You might initially want to block out 15-30 minutes slots in your dairy just to connect to your loved ones. Anything over and above that will be a well deserved bonus. In that scheduled time, focus primarily on giving - your full attention, your time, showing our appreciation and expressing your love. Most importantly enjoy the process. When you begin to enjoy yourself, this will motivate you to take further action, consistently.
3. Indulge your senses
Our other than conscious, non-verbal actions can be strong determinants of our authenticity. Just like my daughter, people can easily spot the difference between genuine loving gestures when one is in the ‘now’ and when someone is trying to fake it. Now, you may sincerely want to connect to the other person but not sure how to. Some say – “Just be yourself!”
You could also indulge your senses i.e. visual, auditory and kinaesthetic to connect . You could gaze into their eyes and smile, tell them in a loving way what you want to tell them, even give a cuddle and a kiss. You may profusely protest saying you are not a “touchy-feely” person – but what if the people in your life are?
4. Ask for feedback
Instead of assuming you are doing it right, get feedback from the people on the receiving end, including yourself. Keep a journal to record your progress and to aid reflection.
5. Keep a close eye on your ‘busy-ness’
Most of us complain that we do not have enough time and wish there was an extra hour or so in a day. The reality is we need to keep a regular check on our busy-ness and get organised accordingly. Unless you are a very disciplined person, chances are there are some covert (or overt) timewasting activities.
So, can you afford to slow down? The answer to this raises another question – Can you afford not to?
